Wednesday, March 08, 2006

A Time To Riot

I have a well-documented history of being supportive of cartoon riots against insensitive and inane cartoons. Here’s the money quote I wrote myself back on February 7.

I remember well the scores of rioting robed choir and altar boys burning flags and shooting firearms outside the Brooklyn museum during the Sensation show, which featured Chris Ofili's depiction of the Virgin Mary with dung smeared on it. The culmination of the violence of that day was when a group of bishops proceeded to smash the windows of local storefronts, and then watched (and in some cases joined in) as masses of seminarians, priests, and pastors looted and vandalized the stores' merchandise. Who can forget the famed photograph of an archbishop running out of Century 21 with stacks of sneakers and blue jeans? A seminal image of that time in history.

I went on to say:

And most recently, I recall the hordes of Ultra-Orthodox who, during a violent protest, attempted to storm the London museum that was running a show displaying virulently anti-Semitic cartoons . There were scores of injuries, and even more arrests. I vividly remember the footage, caught on amateur video and widely run on national and international news outlets, of a pale, thin talmudic student in a black suit and hat, scaling a two-story building to get at a flagpole where the British flag was flying. Before he was apprehended and restrained by police, he managed to touch the corner of the flag with a cigarette he had been chain-smoking, causing the flag to go up in flames. The crowds of Yeshiva students went wild at the sight, and howls of approval that sounded like "Shkoyach Moyshe!" resounded from them at the sight of the burning flag.

I rarely put out a call to action for my readers, other than here, here and here, but this is different. The office of the OrthoMom has been attacked and mocked in this cartoon.


I implore all of you to stop blogging, go out into the streets of whatever city you live in, and begin smashing windows, burning flags, and holding signs. For those of my readers in the Five Towns, we’ll meet on Central Avenue for Sushi, and then march around the street, inducing mayhem and causing chaos.

Are you with me?

Monday, March 06, 2006

The Golden Grass

I must admit to living in a neighborhood where conspicuous consumption is the name of the game. In my community, homes are being built that are true monuments to excess. And it doesn't stop there. These homes are being used as receptacles for yet more consumer items. From the luxury SUVs parked in front, to the custom kitchens inside, to the multilevel hardwood swingsets installed out back, the Five Towns is definitely not what I would call a model community for restraint when it comes to spending. So I guess I should have seen the advent of the "Status Lawn" as inevitable.

Evidentally, the new must have status symbol is “Golden Grass.” Three neighbors on my block have replaced their traditional green grass with a metallic gold colored grass. As we walked by on Shabbos morning on our way to shul, with my old jalopy of a stroller, I couldn’t help but feel sickened by my neighbors extreme excesses. The grass seemed to sway in the wind, and I wondered how their kids, the most important element of the OrthoFamily, would be able to play on their lawn. Clearly, when your lawn is 24 karat gold, you don’t want your kids sitting on it playing their PSP handheld games.

OrthoDad and I chose this neighborhood because we wanted a place for our children to play, and grow up with good values. But I am worried that they see all this excess around them, in the palaces that their friends live in, and I wonder if we made the right choice to live here. No, we do not live in a palace. While you might consider it a mansion, our 11 bedroom, 25,000 square foot home is the model of modesty in our opulent neighborhood.

I know grass is supposed to make a house look prettier, but seriously, isn’t soft gold grass going too far?

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Heroin of the Day

Ann Marlowe is not your typical Jewish girl. Born in 1958, she was raised by an upper middle class Jewish family on New York’s Upper East Side. As a young adult, she moved to the Lower East Side, working as a rock critic, where she discovered Heroin.

Marlowe used the drug for five years, claiming that she was an addict but not a junkie. However, she could never completely embrace the heroin addict lifestyle. ``It had no room for many parts of me, for the desire to go out and run five miles, the occasional urge to read Plato in Greek, and of course, the unexpungeable desire to shop at Bergdorf's.''

Marlowe has written a book about her experience, “How To Stop Time.” Unlike other reformed addicts books, Marlowe is unapologetic, and remains true to her core being. This is not a memoir that will talk about twelve step programs. Rather, she glamorizes the heroin lifestyle, bathing in the culture of cool.

And in her unapologetic way, she teaches us all a lesson. Stand up for yourself, do what you believe in, and never feel remorse.

Lawrence School Calendar

I was skimming through the web, looking at Lawrence School District’s web site when I came across this calendar for the 2006-2007 school year.

I can’t help but see the anti-semitic overtone of this calendar. If you look closely, you can see that the school gives Yom Kippur off, but does not give the students a day off for Rosh HaShana. As everyone knows, Rosh HaShana is equally important to Yom Kippur, so if the school is giving the day off for religious reasons, it would stand to reason that they would be giving Rosh HaShana off as well.

However, it is blatantly obvious to anyone who reads this calendar that they are giving this day off in commemoration of Egypt’s attack on Israel. Otherwise, Jewish students would get both Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur off.

Please, can anyone please explain to me what is going on with the Lawrence School District that is causing them to act in such a blatant and disrespectful way to the Jewish community?

The Apprentice

Steven I. Weiss liveblogged the first apprentice with orthodox Jews in it. It wasn’t OrthoDad, but they were still Orthos. Here is the money quote from NBC’s web site on Dan.

Dan is passionate about religion and family and feels that you must make an exerted effort for those you love and give back to those in need.

Why is it that NBC can’t say what we all know. That Dan is Jewish? Are they afraid of allientating their audience. But it gets worse.

With Lee, the other Orthodox Jew, NBC doesn’t even mention religion at all in his bio, despite his being Jewish.

Sigh. I guess you just can’t expect anything more from the Apprentice.